"Prayerful always"

“God doesn’t hand you stuff you cannot handle.”

“Don’t pray for an easy life; pray to be a strong person.”

These are two sayings which people like to throw around in times of trouble but I have to admit that I disagree with them.   

In general, I don’t think God hands anybody bad stuff. Maybe once in a while, for reasons only He understands. But I think bad stuff happens to us because we live in a sinful world and we mess up and sometimes Satin just wants to mess with us. If it were true that God didn’t hand you more than you could handle, people wouldn’t commit suicide, have mental breakdowns or turn to drugs and alcohol to cope.

I also don’t think we should pray to be strong. I think we should pray for God to be strong for us. I think we should pray to be weak so that we turn to God to lift the burdens that we bare. If we are strong we won’t have the need to ask for God’s help.

My week has gone downhill considerably since Dino wrote here on Wednesday. At that time, I didn’t have a clue what pain was or how bad this was going to get. I did not anticipate writhing in pain three mornings in a row, trying to figure out how to get out of bed when my hip was so cramped up that I got into awkward positions from which I could not extract myself. I didn’t think I would be calling the ER doctor at seven o’clock Saturday morning, asking, begging for him to give me something. (There are perks to working in a medical clinic, and if I have lost every chip on the table, I am not above playing that card.)

I’ve been praying, negotiating, begging, bargaining, you name it. Trying to find God in this. And terrified that the bursitis in my right leg will not be gone completely by a week from right now. From right now. When I get on that plane for an eight-hour flight to London, followed by an eight-hour flight to Nairobi, which anyone who has ever flown, knows can be physically draining when you are in top shape. Get on a plane when you are already gimpy and you are asking for trouble.

Which of course leaves me asking, am I really even supposed to go to Kenya?

I keep telling God, hey, Big Guy, just send me an email or a text. I’m really not a fan of pain and I am not so good at subtly. You gotta send me a clearer sign than this.

There’s so much riding on this trip and I know that the stress I am putting on myself is part of the problem. Hakuna Matata. I just need to relax and stop fretting. Everything is going to be okay. The trip will go off without a hitch and we will accomplish all our goals.  

We’ll do all kinds of research and come up with a great plan for helping the kids at the school at the IDP camp. We’ll get a budget together to bring home and share with area businesses who will want to sponsor the next trip that Tumaini Volunteers takes. We’ll set the bar for the future of Tumaini Volunteers as a caring organization making a difference in East Africa. And see, right there, all that pressure I put on myself.

Argh. So what exactly does God have to say?  

Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and prayerful always. (Romans 12:12 Living Bible)

So, there ya go.