A Time to Pray

     There is a time for all things under heaven. There is a time to laugh and a time to cry, a time to love and a time to hate. There is a time to sleep and a time to lie awake all night. From Ecclesiastes 3, or maybe not entirely.

Two nights this past week it was a time to lie awake in bed all night watching the numbers on the digital clock do whatever they do. It’s not quite the same as watching the hands on a clock face tick away the minutes.

Why is it? Why do a thousand things stampede into my brain in the middle of the night and then settle in for the duration? Where do these thoughts even come from? What am I going to wear to the wedding next weekend? Am I going to get my costume done by Halloween? What would it be like to win 100 million dollars in the lottery? What if someone I knew won the lottery and offered some to me? How much would it take to make me happy? Why do I think I need money to make me happy? Will I ever be happy listening to my husband snoring? And on and on.

I have a confession to make. When my mind is completely out of control at night and I feel like I’ve totally lost it, that still voice sometimes breaks through the chaos and whispers, “why don’t you just turn it over to God and pray on it?”

So, I try to pray, but if I only pray to God for sleep, well, that takes like two seconds and then I feel like it’s dead air time. You know? Like I dialed His number and only have one thing to say and once I’ve said it, I’m still wide awake. I know God answers prayer, but it’s just not like that.

So, I continue praying, asking for forgiveness, first of all, and then asking for rain where there is drought, sunshine where there is flooding, health for a long list of loved ones. And then I fall asleep. Yes, I do. I always fall asleep when I am in the middle of praying. Which should be a good thing, right? And make me happy? But instead it makes me feel guilty, so guilty that I don’t resort to prayer when I’m trying to sleep because, well, because, I just want to finish one pray in my bed at night and end with Amen. And I don’t remember the last time that happened.

Wow! If anything else, I’ve shown you that someone else (me!) has way more issues than you do.

Dear Lord God, Heavenly Father, I really don’t know what more to say. Except that even with all my quirkiness, You love me totally and completely. Amen.