Does anyone make a difference?

Dear God,

If I die tomorrow

Or a thousand tomorrows from now,

Will it matter?

Will I be changed

Or have changed the world?

Will another moment from eternity of existence

Cause the moon to fall,

The oceans to weep,

The trees to walk?

But if an extra heartbeat brings one smile to a teary eye,

If all my heartbeats can make another soul sing,

Another life less dull,

Then my entire being has purpose.

And eternity becomes an instant of joy.

(by Pat Loehmer)

If I looked back through all the letters my sister Pat wrote me over the years, I would probably find the date when she wrote this. But I am pretty sure that it was well before she was diagnosed with cancer, well before she realized that her days were numbered, that mortality would come knocking way too soon.

Last night I finished yet another draft of my memoir of my mission trip to Kenya. Much of that trip was spent wondering if I made a difference, if any of those people who I tried to help actually had been helped in any way by my presence for that very short period of time. It took me several years to realize why I had gone to Africa; I should have read this poem then and it would have come clear. 

Random Kid Thoughts

“I think babies are great. OK, maybe babies aren't great – they’re messy, but little kids are tons of fun. I love little kids and it seems they all go through the messy stage first. But they’re just so neat when they can talk and say embarrassing things to distant relatives. And they can draw really modern art pictures and you can hang them on your fridge with little penguin magnet things.”

More inspiring, though random, thoughts from my sister Pat. I wouldn't have survived giving birth to two babies without her. Their little voices raised in the “Aunt Patti’s here” chorus when she would pull into our yard. They were so blessed to have her, even if it was only for a few short years. Their pictures are on the other computer - the one that is acting up - so these are the "little kid" pictures I had available.

My kids were so much more blessed than these orphans that I spent a day with while I was in Peru. They were so cute, but it was so sad. Will they ever see their hand-colored masterpieces on anybody's refrigerator?

Find your enthusiasm

“The surprises in life make it interesting. Could you imagine being able to see the future? And knowing what was going to happen when? You’d have no purpose for living. Ordinary, everyday happenings make life feel comfortable, but you live to be surprised. Never lose the capacity to be surprised. Never let life become ordinary. Learn to enjoy the littlest things. That’s why little kids and puppies are so neat. They think everything is new and exciting. Such enthusiasm.”

From the time I was a confused freshman in high school until I was a confused new wife and mother, my sister Pat wrote me wonderful letters full of insight and encouragement. Seeing as I have dubbed Thursday’s blog “Sayings, Songs and Signs”, I thought I would occasionally share some of her wisdom here.

On the long list of books I plan to write some day is her story. In addition to writing all those books, I also dream of seeing the book which Pat wrote become published. My idea is that once I am a famous author I will have an “in” to make that happen. I just need to keep the enthusiasm.