|My bags as of 8:00 last night|
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Last Post From Home
Today is our anniversary, 18 years of wedded bliss. I should not be leaving for Africa today. Everything is pointing against it. My hip is still aching, my mom is being needy (no fault of her own, the poor thing), I wasn’t able to check-in for our flight ahead of time, my suitcase is eight pounds over the limit. I do not see any signs that I am supposed to make this trip. I keep asking God for guidance, for a sure message, but I haven’t gotten anything.
Surely this is all Satan working against me, trying to undermine my confidence, working to my very core. Like Job, he is trying to drive me away from my faith, not only faith in God but faith in myself as well.
When I went in on Wednesday for therapy on my hip, I told the physical therapist that he is Rudolph. I am Santa and I am about to cancel Christmas, cancel my trip, disappoint our host there as well as the kids he works with. I need Rudolph to show me the light, guide my path, provide the miracle that will allow me to go to Kenya and not cancel Christmas.
My physical therapist laughed and said, “I’ve never heard that analogy. I hate to tell you this - I can help your hip pain a lot, but I can’t do miracles. You will still be in some pain come Sunday morning.” Yet, I told him, nope, you are Rudolph and you can save Christmas.
In reality, I know there is only one Rudolph. That would be Jesus Christ. He not only can save Christmas, He’s the One who made Christmas!
And I get that. Yet I sit here, knowing that I still need to finish packing, take my last long hot shower, eat my last bowl of Cheerios, change the dressing on my mom’s infected finger for the last time and leave my house in three hours. And I just don’t want to do any of it.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
I don’t know when I will be able to blog again, but I will try to keep you posted, as time and internet access allows.