Wheel of Misfortune

   In my April 13 blog post of last year, I mentioned, in passing, that I had "tweaked my back and really threw it out of place a few days later." I'd been in a lot of pain and had mostly been lying around for two weeks. 

Who knew? Who could have imagined? Here I am ten months later, still lying around more than I would like, with lists of things I wanted to accomplish these past ten months. Never in a million years have I thought that those simple missteps from the end of March and the first of April would throw my entire life into a tailspin. 

I've tried to downplay how miserable I've been. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, even though I appreciate the prayers many of you have been saying. 

But this is what it's been like. 

On my worst days – many during the summer – I couldn't get out of bed without help from Hubby. I walked with a cane and had to have rails around the toilet so I could get up and down. I had several episodes of incontinence because I couldn't limp there in time. I was in the ER twice. I was on multiple rounds of prednisone and took lots of muscle relaxers but few Vicodin because they didn't even help the pain. 

I spent many days on the couch on the heating pad. I watched more TV than I read books because I could barely hold a book (or my Kindle) in my hands because of the pain. 

The medical field, where I worked for 37 years, where I thought I was making a difference in people's lives, sorely let me down. I don't want to go down that road. It is what it is. But to anyone in my boat – you are your own healthcare provider; no one else will fix what ails you; it's up to you to cure yourself. 

And I'm trying so diligently to do that. I've had so many days and weeks where it was easier to lay around and feel sorry for myself, but I've been fighting since December to get better, to get back my strength and stamina, to get rid of this pain that pops up in a different spot every morning. 

Every night, when I've finally gotten comfortable in bed and can fall asleep, the wheel of misfortune is spun. When I wake up in the morning and first move, I find out quickly where the wheel landed. One day on my right shoulder, the next my left hip, then both wrists. Even my clavicles have a spot on that wheel. By the way, there's no trip to Jamaica on my wheel.

And what is all this pain, stiffness, achiness, shortness of breath and misery? Is it Fibromyalgia, Ankylosing Spondylitis, Lyme's Disease (though that blood test was negative in September), Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Osteoarthritis, or some weird Cancer, or some bizarre disease I picked up in Africa last time I was there?

Don't know. I am seeing a rheumatologist in June (the soonest I could get in), but I'm not counting on him to know any more than the rest of the providers I've seen. 

But don't despair; as I've already written, don't feel sorry for me. Most days, I'd say I'm 50% better than I was six months ago. Taking Tylenol and Ibuprofen around the clock helps a lot, even though I hate doing that to my system. The anti-inflammatory – gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, processed-food-free, fried-food-free, anti-anything-I-crave – diet seems to be helping. Everything I've read says to keep as active as possible, and walking does ease the pain and boosts my spirits. 

That's enough rambling. I've been awake since two am, and it's five now. I should either go back to bed or start making breakfast – fruit, granola, and coconut milk. 

Hope your day goes well and 2024 brings you all you've wished for. And me? I still have my eye on a trip to Cambodia in September. We'll see.